From now on (or at least for now) I've decided that I won't let my heart make any decisions. This whole thing with Petrelli will be decided by my head because as past records will show, my heart has never quite lead me in the right direction. I'm not saying there is a right direction, and I have learnt important lessons that I won't forget, but I think its time to let my ehad take the reigns for a while.

While my heart says 'go for it with petrelli', my head is telling me to just enjoy this time time myself, and just see what happens. If it happans it happens, if it doesn't, so what? The hard part os controlling the urges, the urge to text him, the urge to flirt with him etc etc. After our first night together afew months back, I was still thinking about colin all the time, so I appeared uninterested in him, i didn't flirt or give any signs I expected anything else to happen. Because I didn't, at that time the only boy I wanted was Colin. And this made him want me even more, so I did the maths.

I can't force anything, and anyway, I don't want anything serious, just something light. I have accepted the fact that if nothing happens, it doesn't matter, and its not a reflection on me. I feel like I'm taking a step forward for once. I'm using my head, and I like it. I love myself, (something which shouldn't be made to sound big headed) and nobody will ever take this away from me again, I won't let them. Life is going good, and I am happy.