I don't really know why I'm writting a blog at this moment in time, I just feel the need too - perhaps in an attempt to make sense of the mass of information currently swirling around in my mind?
The situation with my friend Fro who likes me is still the sam,e if not worse. I'm not sure how much more I can hint that these feelings are not going to ever be returned. If anything its beginning to make me wonder if we can even be friends anymore, unless he can accept the fact nothing will ever happen between us, I'm not sure how we can make a friendship work. It feels too weird now, and all the things I previously enjoyed about his company are begging to irritate me. It seems that the only way for him to get the message would be for me to literally shout and scream ' I DON'T WANT TO FUCK YOU', which seems to me (correct me if I'm wrong) to be a tad too much?
Right now, I can't quite explain it but I don't WANT to be with anyone. I guess it sounds a little lame but I really am just enjoying my own company right now, as well as the company of friends and am just focusing on having fun. I guess I've finally realised that having a boyfriend doesn't mark the cherry on top, but just an enhancement of something that should already be good. Does that even make sense?!
Without sounding big headed, I seem to be drowning in attractive boys who are interested in me. But it doesn't matter how perfect they are, not one of them can fill the void. I'm thinking void is maybe a little too strong a word for what I'm trying to describe, I think I'm at a point in life where I just want to find myself before I find anyone else. I want to feel whole without needed another half to validate this.
Things will be ok, I just have a journey to experience. Its always darkest before dawn...
