One of my close friends is male, I've had numerous people say that 'we should be together'blah blah blah, and I've always just laughed it off. I never liked him in that kind of way and found it weird to ever think that. But the seed was planted in both out heads and one night when we were both out we attempted to flirt to est the water. I didn't feel anything, it actually felt wrid, almost like I was flirting with a brother. The problem is, he liked it.

I'm a very touchy feely person with my friends, I like body contact and I don't always mean it in a sexual way. This is emphasised when I'm drunk, and I think he has taken all these otherwise normal signs of friendship to mean that there is a possibility of something beyond friendship. Last weekend, I recived a lecture from his friends, apparently I was just leading him on and needed to be straight with him. This annoyed me, why was I the bad guy when not too long ago when I was thinking about exploring the possibility of an 'us' he was saying about how he didn't see the point in being in a relationship, and completly rejected the idea of ever having agirlfriend right now. He said this yet I am the one being condemned for leading him on?!

Apparently last weekend whilse we were all out, he spoke to one of my best freids and asked her if he was wasting his time me, and said I don't know what I want. Maybe I don't know what I want, but I do know what I don't want, and thats anymore boy drama. I'm sick of it, and I can't take anymore of it. If he really cared about me, and was thinking about me, he would know that I've just been through one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, and that the last thing I need is more complication with boys. How am I supposed to 'be straight' with him when he hasn't actually informed ME of these feelings?

I can't help but think he doesn't really like me, he just thinks he does because other people have planted this idea in his head. He thinks he should like someone because he has never had a girlfriend and because I'm the girl he is closest too that person should be me. Yes he is a close friend, but whenever I've tried to tell him things, about how I'm feeling or why, he's not the most available person emotionally.

I just don't know what to do. I don't need boy drama, especially not with something I've thought of as a friend for so long. I' don't deserve this.