I had one of those moments last night, as I listened to 'bittersweet symphony', and walked to meet a friend I watched the sun set over my home town. What made this otherwise ordinary moment special was that I had a realization. Last weekend I had met a co worker who I had been attracted to for a while, but knowing he was waay out of my league and would never be interested in being with me romantically or otherwise (due to the fact he was 25 and I was 18), and things sparked. We spend the whole night together dancing and kissing, and I ended up going home with him. It didn't feel like one night stand but it was, and we both knew that. It hasn't affected our friendship or working situation at all.

You're probably wondering why I've gone off on this seemingly random direction, but its all connected. You see this night marked the begining stages of the realization which would later finalize in my mind. This past week, I haevn't had the urge to tlak to colin, I haven't cried over him nor have I thought about him. I even deleted all the messages from him on my phone, a task which may seem silly, but as I read them all for one last time it was like re-living our entire relationship, and as I watched them delete, I cried. Not because I was sad, but because I knew that I was finally getting over him, and claiming a piece of myself back.

Anyway, as I walked to meet my friend, the realization which finalized itself came out in the form of lots of little thoughts. I thought to myself, it wasn't the fact that i had slept with calum (the co-worker)that I had gotten over colin, it was the fact that I had remembered how good life was before colin, and also how amazing it still could be after him. I am young, and I many great things await me. Whereas before I had thought that completely erasing him from my memory was the only cure to finding myself again, I now began to see that this would solve nothing. The pain I had felt had enabled me to feel alaive, and now with this realization I felt like I was breathing again, or being re-born with a new perspective on things. Perhaps breaking up does have a good point. Through this experience I had found another peice of the puzzle and gotten to know myself better.

Would I make the same mistakes again? Probably, Would I have my heart broken again? Yes, and I will probably go throught the exact same process if not a worse one, but I know now that pain can be turned into a postive thing. I needed to learn all this on my own, others told me again and again that I would feel better, and that I didn't need him, but had I just accepted this I would have missed this realization.

I am back, I am alive again and this time I'm happier than I was even before colin. Life is good and I can see that, I don't have a dark tinge on my view of the world anymore. I have awoken from the coma of misery. I am me.