I think I've began to accept the fact that I'l never completely get over colin, and this is half the battle of getting over something I think. Time will do the rest of the work, and as for me, I know its going to be a tough journey but I'l get there. I know it sounds ridiculous some 18 year old girl getting so working up about a relationship that lasted 4 months, but I let him in, and we really connected.

Although it comes and goes, the time where I just think and think and analyse what went on with me and colin and I get upset and cry, but these moments are becoming less and less frequent, and I'm feeling much better now. I need those wee moments where I break down because I'm letting the pain out, and I need to let go.

I can't keep forcing myself to believe we'll get together again soem day, even though he's said this is possible when he is ready for a relationship. At first I thought knowing this was a good thing but now I think its holding me back. I need to take some time and just figure out what I want, and what I need and if those two things can co-exist. I once read that you can't really be with someone until you can be with yourself, and I think thats true, so maybe I should use this time and really figure myself out.

I'm aware that this blog is pretty much me spewing on a page, but just needed to get my thoughts out somehow, perhaps its my attempt to udnerstand them? I don't know really!